by Marin Shamov
I am Marin Shamov, a performance, visual and dance artist; queer trans* activist; and political émigré. In August 2021, in St. Petersburg, Russia, I created the performance Motherhood Instruction, which featured a video game and an interactive element for the audience. Five performers shared their personal experiences of motherhood. The performance was based on the play Motherhood Instruction by Pauline Vishnya, and sought to overcome the stigma of motherhood and the stereotypes associated with the role of a mother. We were able to perform the work twice before the full-scale Russian invasion of Ukraine began in 2022. After that, all of the project’s performers, including myself, left the country because of our anti-war stances and persecution by the police.
In September 2024, I received an invitation to participate in the exhibition Passing Motherhood at Trondheim Kunstmuseum as part of the 2025 Hannah Ryggen Triennale. It is curated by Marianne Zamecznik and Yaniya Mikhalina, and is supported by project manager Lisa Størseth Pettersen. As a response to this invitation, and taking into account that all of the participants of the original performance were in different countries except for two who had to return to Russia, I decided to remake the project in the format of a game and sound installation. In this new version, the work is not based on Vishnya’s play, but rather on the personal stories of the work’s original performers.
The result is a sound performance in which mothers talk about what has changed in their experience of motherhood as a result of being forced to leave the country — and in some cases, after being forced to return due to child custody conflicts. They speak about the challenges they have faced, and how these experiences have affected their lives considering their gender, sexual identity, and their ages as well as the ages of their children. The viewer listens to a narration that is interrupted periodically by a video request from a cyber child in the form of a coded recording. Using a game console, the viewer has to choose one of the options offered, after which they can continue listening to the mothers’ stories.
“There were wild threats from my daughter’s biological father that he was going to get us; for example, deportation of me and my daughter to Russia and criminal penalties against me. So he never paid child support, and then he decided to say that I kidnapped the child. He wanted me to deny his responsibility to pay child support officially. And his condition was that if I did that, he would have no further contact with us. And I wrote a document to the bailiffs that I have no claims, that everything is in order, no one persuaded me, no one threatened me. So now I’ve written off that debt. We still don’t have a court decision on who my daughter lives with, because it’s a long process that takes several months, and with the inspections — who is better for the child to live with, and who is worse. And I’m worried now at this time what the court might say, is it better for her to live in unfriendly Germany, or, in Chita, I mean, in Russia in general? So we don’t have a court decision and I’m obliged to enter Russia every year together with her. And he even threatens me that he will declare that I am a traitor to the country because of my anti-war position and manipulates me and the child in such a way.”
“My son has very long hair. And he has been bullied a lot because of his appearance. He’s been going through a lot of trauma. He had very strong panic attacks. We went to psychologists. We tried to help him and gave him pills. But he got better when the summer vacation started because he didn’t have to go to school. Now we have changed schools. So far, it seems fine.”
“I did not tell anyone that I had a child, what his name was, where he was. I did not show our joint photos, I created such a life — hiding my child from the state. I realized that this is the main goal in my life for an indefinite period.”
“I’ve been alone all day for two years. I have no communication at all, zero, no one around me, only children.”
“My kids say, “We’re queers too, we’re ‘they’ too.” But none of us can learn to call ourselves “they”, here, although I don’t know, well, “they” is an unusual pronoun for me too. I really like languages where, well, for example, in Estonian there is no “he” and “she”. This question is non-existent. There is just a word that means a person. And Russian is so gendered. So I don’t think about it now. In my environment, there are only my children, and my bosses at work, with whom I speak Russian. But I can't ask my bosses to call me “they.” They won’t.”
“When we left, I had 50 euros, that was all my money. I mean, I’m a mom, I have two kids, I have 50 euros. I take the kids and leave the country.”
“I started to go to a psychologist, the situation is that my son is three years old, and I have to go to work. And I can’t. The psychologist validated my problems, that I am an émigré with a small child, that we are all in the same space all the time, and that we have a family crisis. And I have to work. But I can’t do it psychologically.”
Each response option offered by the game somehow resolves the situation. However, there is one option that resets the image of the cyber child to its original state. The other options alter the situation in some way and, depending on the choice, the visual scene evolves further. The part the viewer sees highlighted in red (see image) simply indicates the option you are selecting with the gamepad — as you scroll up or down, the highlighted option changes, showing which one you’re about to choose. The requests and responses are built using IT terminology that aligns with game engines and 3D graphics technologies. They include concepts such as Word Position Offset, vertex offset, polygon count, and other terms related to materials, textures, and optimization. It combines real technical terminology with metaphors reflecting the emotional and social challenges faced by the narrators. The questions refer to certain moments in the monologues.
I use the term ‘sound performance’ as it indicates a live element. Instead of a pre-recorded sound that is programmed into the game, the viewer/player has to play the game in order to hear the different segments of the sound work. Mother*hood Instruction invites the audience to join the practice of collective mother*ing.
I'm presenting a project involving people with experiences of motherhood, so what’s my position as an artist and non-mother?
I'm a trans* non-binary person in the process of medical transition. At the same time, I am coming to the realization that I do not want to give up the opportunity to have biological children. There is a contradiction here: on one side, my gender representation following testosterone therapy and top surgery; on the other, the potential of carrying a child, involving a sperm donor (or a second parent), and other complexities associated with queer parenthood.
My role as an artist and personal history create connections to the development of a cyber child together with a game developer. It’s a metaphor for the separation of the ovum from the trans* body that enables the birth or non-birth of a child. By inviting the audience to share in the care for the cyber child, I ask them to consider the diverse constellations of parenting possibilities, of how different personal, political, and economic factors affect the availability of parenting. By availability, I mean the resources, conditions, and legal rights for raising children, depending on one’s degree of precarity, gender, and the overall social context in one’s country of residence. For example, in Austria, the country where I currently reside, single individuals generally can’t use donor sperm — one must be in a partnership (either married or registered). Additionally, one of the partners must be a citizen of an EU country or have permanent legal residency status in Austria. Permanent residency can be obtained after five full years of legal employment in the country. If one has a student visa, this time doubles and it takes up to 10 years before one can start the process of applying for a permanent residency.
In Norway, single individuals who wish to have a child, including queer people who do not have health-related issues, can access donor sperm. There are no restrictions based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Single women*, including lesbians or other queer individuals, can use donor sperm for artificial insemination. However, the process is regulated, and individuals must meet certain legal and financial criteria, such as demonstrating their ability to provide a stable environment for a child. Immigrant status, language proficiency, and integration into Norwegian society are also considered.
While we can discuss the legislative frameworks, it’s important to emphasize that things become much more complicated in practice. Within queer communities, it is known that individuals who want to do gender-affirming procedures, but who do not identify with a male or female gender, often encounter difficulties. The medical system tends to focus on binary transitions, from male to female, or vice versa.[1]
This complexity, combined with one’s status as an immigrant, the ability to proficiently master a language, the necessity of financial stability, and the overall integration into the country, all play a crucial role in the possibility of even imagining having a child. For instance, being an artist, it may be required that one is formally employed in a job that ensures their income meets a certain level, which would allow them to have children. Trans* identity involves a great deal of nuance, particularly in the practical realities of navigating multiple clinics and how one’s individual circumstances are considered. When approached one by one, these issues may seem manageable. However, it's important to emphasize that when taken together, they create an overwhelming barrier that can feel nearly impossible to cross.
Mother*hood Instruction is designed so that viewers must make a decision — perhaps they need to google the answer, ask someone, or simply push the button. This creates an atmosphere of complexity and inevitability of choice, reflecting the challenges one faces in the experience of motherhood. It mirrors the necessity of balancing the various factors involved in having and raising children. The game highlights how navigating these external and internal factors is neither straightforward nor transparent, and requires constant negotiation and decision-making.
[1] Of course, there may be variations depending on the clinic, and deeper research into these issues would be required for anyone planning to pursue any of these procedures: this information is based on my personal research and the experiences shared within queer communities. The relationship between legal frameworks and practical realities can vary. Further research and more specific context are needed to determine the applicability of this information in each unique case.